Jan 15, 2014|
Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)
-- backward Beijing company I'm sandy beach yes I heard rush talking about this yesterday and -- as I was driving home and as soon as I heard crisis that's a natural for us. Altman university in England in a study of 5000 people in England and the United States. They found childless couples were happier with their relationships. And and their partners were than the other parents were who had. Children so what they're saying -- they were happier without children and with children and then -- second part of this I think is just as important as the first part. -- when it comes to. Happier parents or child free people. Most of the of most of the people. Lined up against lined up two would testify that. The most important person in their life. The women and said there children the men said their women saw in other words the men were devoted to their partners first. And the women were devoted to their children first doesn't come as a shocker but it comes as a reality check. And we kind of know about it and one thing that they didn't address directly in this survey. In this study is the fact that as parents wanted to do everything it can't be good parents and spent a lot of time and effort. To do that they drift apart as couples. They stayed together as parents certainly but when the kids go off to where they go off to college the service jobs when they leave the house. Which nowadays is later and what -- current and either think -- obamacare. But anyway once they leave the house and then the parents are looking at each other going what happened our relationship. We saw things and each other that attracted -- -- the others the partner and now. It's kind of gone because we will all those years without it without nourishing them. And so I think they you have to be careful not to neglect your relationship. In exchange for grow overdoing the parent would certainly should be good parents but there's still time to be. Good couples as well let's go to Linda in Cheektowaga -- on WB CN. All dad's seen me my boyfriend of a cold making -- to -- water found it. Thank you you know people don't need any enemy when I'm about to say. It's stroke thing being we don't have children. An attorney that people recognize my voice and they come in all day. What are your top Q I know publicity okay AMD and targeted group. I could -- children couldn't medical reasons. I wish I -- frank Pinkerton you would just. Your team he would you don't want to I'm trying to say. I -- your you know dealt with the other hand it was a new play yes. It's why they shouldn't judge people and teeny tiny we added that it. Well. I'm nervous about talking about this subject I -- people that it yardage. The people always judge if you don't have children -- wanna know why because they think it's it's a duty a husband wife their children. -- -- do you get more slack if it's a medical situation but of its a choice they're very judgment call. You know I was pregnant to block -- -- that was my problem and I hit -- he would be at all. I would -- The kid wouldn't live welcome I'm hopeful what everybody aren't bunker but it was medical I would've -- -- yes but we have rotting meat and action. Could mean now I'd just sit in my eye could see why in the wake acting unique kid did I am Timmy ample. And blow less certain way. And it's certainly the people behind this seems to me it was medical. -- -- where you criticize of people I didn't know. Just made assumptions and go where he criticized for not having images. They go Paris that we don't feel tired than me I don't -- Wyatt -- -- mind. No it's nobody's business when yours on just -- -- -- Yeah absolutely and and I understand that and that's one of the problems is that the assumptions are if you're married W should have children and if you don't you must be selfish I'm glad you told -- that want to thank you very much. What are you waiting for the big screen TV. What are you going to Europe on vacation why -- -- having a kid instead it's nobody's business first now nobody's. Business. And I think when you're devoted to each other that's the couple and that should stay intact. If you do every kid sometimes that that is strained. Because of a lot of things beyond your control. You come home after a hard day at work and your partner says hey why don't we make up -- and you Saddam eggs costs and it was up online and get enough sleep and OK check that off the Whoopi calendar hook up towards the it it. And I you know sometimes you don't want you don't have children. And and and what he's not gonna idea she's on the view usually I would Barbara Walters. But that the deal is that you're expected to. Because your mother told you you're expected to follow -- and you did. In your mother told you you're expected to get married and you did and your mother told -- you should have children so you can make your mother -- grandmother and you did. You did that because you're expected to and if you don't do that people wonder why. But this survey says the people that don't do it for whatever reason whether they can't the order they just chose not to do it are happier. People aren't maybe. A lot of people. Oftentimes with things that they don't do or can't accomplish in their lives if they do have a kid. Unfortunately they blame it on the fact well you know we didn't have this this kid that I could've done this or we could have done -- that's unfair. Totally unfair if you have things that are absolutely must do on your list. With the today. And in today's world you should do them first and then if you want advocate advocate. Mean it makes sense so that you accomplish this in your life and I gonna accomplish that your life and you gonna have a full life. Those who kind of look at you and point a finger or maybe accusatory. Are not totally happy with their lives and that's the reason they're pointing it you know a sort of thread in Youngstown Fred you're on WB yeah. And our I'm -- what via. Good -- And lived -- disease scenarios. And I have to agree to with the what surveys. Is that you mentioned. When that. And if I get married. Early and we had a couple. Daughters. But because. We were very young and I wasn't established. I had to. Work three jobs well. Well sold. So you have so much slower. A couple and and extra time with the kids you had the support of. No no time with the kids but why did and I didn't soul. -- in -- Morton ten years. Saw a then and then I met someone. Much later on. Who after the third. -- yourself. Said to me. I want to tell you right up front and I don't want any children. OK there heard frank about it you know. -- -- and a -- went to this Helio was so happy. You're on the same page okay the exactly in -- back and shorter -- a little -- a circular thing. Where each of us bowl into this. Individuals circles and the overlap was the time together -- The other areas or. By ourselves and and it worked out just working with -- Mary now for thirty to 32 years. -- -- Yeah I think I -- you know if you've experienced -- are you on this now we're talking about it and congratulations it's good to see that you're on the same page you know and feel pressure by anybody else like your Fred. We'll take -- will be back with more with -- -- company listening to -- -- Keep the part is region governing yes this a survey as I mentioned I heard a Rush Limbaugh. Mentioned it yesterday on his show. He has from open university in England. They surveyed more than 5000 people lost 100 couples or there may be some threesome commercialized that's that's not good -- 5000 people. In England and the United States the authors found that childless couples were happier with their relationship. Then the ones who had children so. Without children happier with children less happy and then the second part of that. And is when asked who was the most important person in their lives that we kind of know this mothers said their children were. After all they bore them I mean they carried them. They gave birth of them they feel like they're part of them. That's the way it goes the mothers said their children were the most important part. But -- fathers said. Their lives. So you say in this case. It's a it's an expected but still sort of shocking shall we say. Explanation of why couples. Suddenly. You know ours had. More happiness before the kid who showed up than after and it's not fair to look at and keep in mind I think. This is monitored some people. I think that children are more. Of a reason for couples to break up then other parties. Where the husband is flowing around otherwise fooling around on the fall in love with somebody yells because what it does. Is that it gives if you have a child gives you an excuse. To let the news the couple part drift apart. You can't have sex now because you're too tired and how we can't go to that to the neighborhood party. Because of who's gonna watch the advocate and yet you don't trust the baby sit there -- which gives you a 34 years old. No we can't go on vacation because it's not really suitable for little Johnny. Yeah how we we have to do that because a little Johnny so there's on the Q are used really as excuses. For things that are not happening in the relationship. And that's unfair because the kids -- said. You know as well as I do we have a kit requires a lot of care lot of time ought to care lot of ear infections. A lot of lawyers will play as a lot of dance recitals are a lot of things. That take away from the time a couple has as a couple as I said people desperately trying and carve out some time. For themselves. But they even then they feel a little guilty. But if you talk to somebody. They're very happy to have some a long time but oftentimes it doesn't happen. I totally disagree with you Sandia -- the number one reason for people's leading up as money. I think there yeah I think people look at the bigger issue obviously I think people probably argue more about money. In the do anything in. Anything that that that's out there. I think as far as. Couples who break out because of the kids at the more than likely. They probably got married for the wrong reasons to begin bit. Yeah -- may not have been a strong couple that the start with -- first of all regarding money IE I think you're probably right that money is the single. Does this drive me crazy when one here keeps going out and you know but anyway yeah money is is probably the biggest single thing they argue. -- -- doing this thing. Is it possible to throw a set of headphones through a plate glass window and I won't it hasn't been doing just that I got there -- no matter what I can't hear you. Okay I understand the money situation and that is that at that situation goes whether you have children not. People without that this is in French people with children all the older added expenses obviously whenever -- That that that can be remedied. You can get another job you get education get a better paying job back and revenue but the other stuff really can't. If you're devoted to the kid more than you -- your partner. To your husband through your wife whatever. Those kind of things are not gonna change nobody is going to go from and so devoted to little -- -- my column my focus goes a little Johnny too you know what. You made some sense there I'm going to spend less of my time and less of my focus on Johnny and more -- you. Certain natural choices and made all the time money. Although certainly if you have money problems it's a big deal I'm I'm not minimizing but that can be repaired. House have a problem with seen even asking somebody what's more important. Two huge reward for your child to keep him practicing all you can make that decision easily. Absolutely. Positive way all there's not much question you talked -- fact that anybody who wants the comment on this come on and how many times have guys felt. That it that something they would like to do all our experience when there lives there and not doing it because of -- kids it happens all the time and you know and I know it again I mean you can take -- any -- we want. But it does happen because you have as a human being you have X amount of time if you had 24 hours you got X amount of focus -- divided up on and you feel you should. Because the child. Is is basically especially young. Basically helpless and your husband or your wife is not. You'll feel you all more time to kids because of that because they can't really survivor while without you know. And so what happens is you tell yourself that's which is supposed to be doing why did a lot of guys work overtime. Because they'd rather work overtime -- be home and I can be subject to the other stuff they have to go to. That's why they do it Andy they have the extra -- you'll hear it all the time. Yes I'm doing it for the children. I'm doing it for the family I'm you know when intro they're doing because they'd rather spend their time working them they would parent. I must be an odd ball then maybe you I mean there's there's all different thoughts and that's why we're opening up to. To phone calls I'd like to know from the people. I don't think it's unfair question at all because it's a logical question and when we've done that show before. Especially the part of what happens I mean the numbers will say it. The numbers will say what happens of that relationship when the kid is out of a house because guess what happens when the kids are -- all the excuses in on the drying. Suddenly you're not too tired to have sex. You can go to the neighborhood block party. You can go on a vacation that maybe you wouldn't take a kid on because would be the wrong kind of vacation. So there are things that there are available after the kid grows up and is on his or error are her own path. That were not available -- the excuses and -- only if you get home and you are you're interested in sex and your wife says. No it's not because she spent too much time with a -- she's tired discussion a lot of sex. -- a simple and it's the same thing with a lot of those issues that they have the built in excuse. I've got a child that's why can't do it one match when that excuse goes away the relationship goals -- excused -- side by side bathtubs in the backyard -- -- it that'll do it just remember that 8309301800. 60692 exits on -- -- Who is more important in your relationship when you're growing up your head. Or your spouse. And that would just making this up this is part of the part of a survey. Of the women said their kids. And the husbands that there's miles let's go to and in Orchard Park and Iran WB again. And I -- a plan. I'd I'd I'd I'd agree with Tony I think it's no -- are like that your child I think money's a big issue at first you know people breaking up I think it's bigger issue. And I think it. It's her official. Feel that you we don't know we'll have more and more important you're right I think it. I think if they depend on how old you are we -- -- children I think younger you are but you know I think it's. That's true and how all the kids are and how all the kids are when your asked that question. If the kids are very young obviously you see them as basically helpless without you. There's a thing of if you can't -- older -- -- young late thirties to forties you really keep your -- if it was that economic. They play Havoc in your life sure can change like completely absolutely you know. But the thing Internet is the thing is everything that you thought was kind of important -- you know. -- I don't know if it a whole different aspect of its. -- you're like -- are your priorities change and there's something very. Gratifying and beneficial to think. This little person is in my hands now it is my responsibility. Of me in my partner here are -- Bring it I keep my card and my be my heart and I felt all feel that we went there on giving me. Because we gave him later in life that you -- a couple of things that we did vacation before it now you know that the occasion anyway. You know the couple bulk up its nuclear equipped instantly -- -- -- Disney World you know therefore you don't right. McDonald almost without my mother you know analyst at I could say about -- that will not be a great opportunity it definitely deal might motivate you any. We have a good point it's the age when you got married -- your perspective is different than -- you married really young and then the end of the kids if you asked if if you asked when the kids it is a sixteen year results. You're gonna get a different answer them on the -- it was two years ago. Right right right but I think -- -- to get -- -- 12526. Or even here early twenties you know where you're not doing things or not. You know if you're not seeing the world the way you want to what you haven't trailed in the Pentagon thanks. -- -- got that 1010 seconds a quick answer is there a lot of pressure to have children after your marriage. Yes -- -- lightly. You know that. Outwardly like it like it -- become one big outlet in my going to be your grandmother or say thank you very much will be back Lamar -- company. Your hearing the voice of buffalo WDN. That call us now an 8030930. Cell calls are free and start nine dirty -- toll free line is 1806169236. -- back squared -- to -- -- have sandy beaches survey out of England says that couples are happier without kids. Now I know that's heresy to a lot of people believe there shouldn't even big couples without kids that surely reasonably on -- is story is to propagate and and provide more children so that somebody else Q&A. A do what you're doing now one record well a but I normally. But the bottom lines is lot of pressure to get married then there's a lot of pressure to have kids. And some couples prefer not to there's nothing wrong with that at all but some will view it as what's the matter with -- and that's that's unfair. So this -- says that couples without kids are actually happier. And when asked who the most important person in their lives were the mothers in this survey that or 5000 people. Said their children were the most important people and their lives. And the fathers said. Their wives. So here again you know you always get the image of the philandering father who doesn't take his his parenting seriously he's running around you know. Went in to aid. He's devoted to his wife and this year he's devoted -- the -- now I'm not saying he it doesn't it's a 100% for one and zero for the other. What I'm saying is these people answer the questions honestly and and I think it's open for debate. Let's go to Barbara in -- barber here on WB yeah. I -- the other propagated. Oh yes we'll tell me about what's your thought on this. Kate. My husband and I hit my son. And that we were thrilled to be out there. But my husband Ali K first my mother raised me saved. Unique -- the -- the easy part caption on the side tired keep good. And -- I've -- thrown back and residues ball. -- and I have been oddly I think you look at it or. Interestingly. When. It took care. So too tired and -- are said to me. Well. You a little -- view. That was earlier. In the night. Kerry said. It I really do. I think I would like to know when they did a study. You know what they're. Electric -- what their bases. Like I note that with with children. You get problem a lot of the problem it stipulates that he quit. Children. And today. With children getting into in children getting in. Different kinds of things that. When my kids were growing up they really were probably just begin. With it's kind of him being married yet. Alex social that were ago bullying go for instance bowling had to be done one on one -- few people might have witnessed it in the school -- Now you go online and thousands and sometimes millions of people can witness that there's a lot of extra pressure and of course and some things beyond the parental control. All right so you know what you say you are a couple first and then foremost then you're happy to have five to look at thanks Barbara thank you. Okay -- -- I think that's only doing it yesterday as a matter affections of a delight she is a delightful lady. Yeah I did but not in this survey but I -- seen somewhere elsewhere. Somebody and a verbatim said we were a couple first before we became parents doesn't mean you can't be good -- but you in fact. It's it -- if you think about it your parenting. Ability and skills really grows when you study a couple. An orgy of a couple of doesn't just mean to people living -- this Amaral a couple are. Combined and sharing experiences. Combined and sharing authority. And so the children see you as a couple. Now every kid. If mom says not always gonna go to dad and see if dad says yes or dad says knows if -- -- every kid's gonna do that. But I think our kids like to see parents as couples. So that it's it's not you know a one person deal you both have to be you know associated with raising the kid you take turns doing different things. You take turns that are getting through life and and and the negative side to. But the bottom line is when it's too focused on the kid and not focus enough on the Columbia on the other -- parent. Then it gets out of kilter. And then all the excuses you you know you heard the get out of jail free card -- -- them get out of jail free card. You can't do anything you don't wanna do wise that would mean now because of the kids. -- kids can't do it can't stay up that -- can't go there they don't travel well and her infection blog no sex and I am too tired blah blah -- and a sexist morning -- -- -- blah blah no sex after lunch on to -- Not even sex after bowling which is every third Tuesday and leap year. So the bottom line is if you wanna get out of jail free card. If you don't wanna do anything you don't wanna do have a -- Plain and simple and you can explain that outsiders still always come to your birthday party and silly but. I don't junior's got an upset -- are we have to go to the school play and it in me. There is no greater. All access pass of not having to do anything on a duplicate. And you know at night on and the one thing they don't explain. Are the ages in this survey. Of the people they talked to in the ages of the children. And other words if the children were young. 23 years old. It's going to be a different response than if the kids -- six. Totally totally different because two -- three they're totally helpless animals. But -- six and now they -- not. A and so it kind of gives you different perspective would take a break will be -- beach and company we vote many postings on base bargain and Chris wanted to give me if you. This one comes from man he says two of the biggest causes of divorce is our money and children. If you are any childless marriage these causes my -- come up kids won't. Money might come up a lot less without kids or make sense that your marriage would be happier and easier it's true I mean -- think about it like this when your you start off as a couple the expenses -- less when you when you don't have a kid that -- you can't argue that certainly. I think in the early years raising the kid is not generally. Via a dispute between the couples but then later on as choices have to be made of discipline in. You know is this proper reason is not. And that kid is not a out of work -- angle so it puts a little extra pressure that's why I'm saying if you're good a couple of strong couple it's easier to raise a child then. A dead and a mom who happen to have a kid. And their focus all on the kid that makes it harder it really does because pretty soon you're making choices between your spouse and your child. And shouldn't be doing that. You're shouldn't be doing that another one please this -- -- Mario he says happier I think -- -- -- kids are more selfish and self absorbed kids are a blessing and bring you closer than ever. Well I guess everybody's entitled to their opinion. Let's go to a -- and in buffalo general on -- on WBM. -- -- I don't today on Google's what do you have for well some might take on the matter is so they should start up and pain that I too am a breeder. Happily married too young girl -- good congratulations thank you very much. I think it might take on the matter and picking up a time magazine article L two months ago. About the rise of countless bites like couple in the united state run. I know there are some couples I have a cousin who she had three -- -- urgency of their loved to have been a mother. With a wonderful mother but. It wasn't in her. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- and you know if it's not their fault and so on but the thing I got from reading that article. Was it just seemed like this is Obama ticket to ride the other European culture. That these people these young adult. You know early late and -- late twenty early thirty. That they had and the prospect of you know. All the attention of their own parents of throwing him into activity actor activity right now and in the death and that focus so much on mountain. That it's almost like -- a while and he had that. I know I understand -- for especially for women you know with in -- Detroit between career. And eight home. I had to take it stayed home out my husband and I met in Washington DC. And that that cost of living down there which it's so much that I really would they have bringing home. A negligible amount of income. After child care cost of supplies. And sure and so you know he just learned to make do any kind swear to be honest. I you know I would find myself going up the war at all because I creed. You know adult and act. Oh yeah I add edit and you know there's something about sacrifice for the children that is very very -- very. It's a builder. Of of oh what's the word -- for a firm foundation a good parent who's willing to sacrifice of your child is a good person Goran. And I kept my thing is from the -- appeal. And -- my husband I have we have that like every other couple we have our ups and downs but he you know we try to work for an. And but keep in mind that you know. I think we gonna say I think we draw on examples of other. That you know that's not -- Atlantic and we don't wanna go accountability deport some broken camera if so we turn and we make it work. You know there. Never a lack of unity between the two dollars and -- -- the two girls their two years apart they have their parties that are of little people. You know idiot and made love to read they're addicted to -- So it's like the girl going to do whatever -- her and so on also I think it's. As one of the parent don't fall -- do what they get their parents -- that with some. Sign up for every activity under the sun giving them. Read. You -- right on the absolutely you know our -- if you are Spartan sixth grade she needs to do research. Port and you think we go to my career. That's that first while reading what you said reading that that that's great we're VI I am a firm believer the more reading to do the better that you just mentioned fiber that's great family activities and you said your husband hasn't been neglected that there's always time for the -- viewers a couple of that's the case that's that's how you make it work. And and but also I think -- the other thing is. We also. We haven't shied away from. Activity because our children. It's -- the gap and obviously we're not going to be going to. You know chippewa street at 3 in the morning with a girl. In now or -- Screws to the Bahamas. We play at the same time it's -- other -- family event where there's only two girls there and I think as a result of that and because apart our discipline and the way we raise the -- -- very well much care. -- -- Obviously that's important too because you want to when you go with the children you wanna be welcomed guests you know while people say don't answer the door there here where the kids. Not knowing how they're very complicate any etiquette that we -- at the eleven hopes. For every family function now where there are children you know keep basically the -- -- -- a cool little else and -- I'm not saying that you know we're completely off the -- But the same time I can rest haven't heard that the situation. Is going to be under control it -- you know mature and Smart enough. To be able to go. What she's able to delegate control the situation where younger sister in seeking to have don't go to attract the ball well white. You're telling me is you've made plans for the future by the way your raising your children and the way your nurturing your. Your relationship -- -- your husband. A lot of people don't do that they put all the eggs in the children's basket and when the children go to college they look at each other and say I'm. And it's -- you've got to you got its you got it right Gerald. So what thank you I just want to put out there's another. Side of the equation that is now. I understand there -- people who can help children and -- people who you know yes they do put all of their effort and activity into the children until there's nothing left. Yup I've always indebted to senator sports -- because he. Does the high school sports and where well you're right women signed up are not just women but parents signed their kids up for everything it and they basically turn into a couple of chauffeurs until we -- of the left the house thank you general and thank you very much. You sing that well first of all just look at athletics. Wasn't that long a goal where -- a year you'd have a pick up game on Saturday were people in the neighborhood that was it. And now it's this trophies. Is travel teams. There's all kinds of all kinds of expanded activities. And some parents find it necessary. To have them enrolled in every thing even though they may have only a little interest in and I'm sure you've seen it -- your high schools shall. Yeah and I've just I've seen a grown up in life in general with people that I know that. -- they would be doing this weekend while we gotta take this wondered -- that program airs at a town that I go to the -- Japan for batting practice animated presence in a exactly in that was one of the things that -- -- talked about the look you know we don't mind and we'll sign -- Christmas off for whatever they want but they have to wanna -- only going to be one thing per season. At a time that's good I mean and the that -- as we've talked about before you make sure you go to a league has the right coaching in the right attitude whatever so it's another additional thing but what happens is when you do too much you try and do too much. Then indeed puts interest rates -- extra stress I said before. And I only set at half jokingly because I really mean it. I think one of the greatest dangers. To come along to break up families. And to have a weaker families was and I'm not trying to be funny here. The microwave -- Because before that. Here's Danner you like it fine if you don't like your way to breakfast instead of hey heats up and up pop that in the microwave a mile away our -- put in the microwave whatever. We'll have eighteen different dinners with -- eighteen different things to it now. Used to be family time sit at the table. You'll find out what went on and everybody's day and then you know move on. Like that anymore will be back -- the list.